


Lessons in Revenge (and other things)

by scy



Category: The Vampire Diaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-24
Updated: 2010-05-24
Packaged: 2017-10-09 17:08:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/89709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scy/pseuds/scy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A list or a journey, maybe both</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lessons in Revenge (and other things)

**Author's Note:**

> Something that could be considered '19 steps in the life of Alaric Saltzman' or something like that.

To start out with, you aren't interested in revenge. You're happily married, love your wife and your job. Then your wife is killed, and you know what did it, only it shouldn't even exist. This will cause you to shift your expectations and personal choices.

 

1\. It's good to have goals. 'Kill the bastard that killed my wife' is nice and simple.

2\. If vampires exist then you had better know how to kill them. A slight expansion of your areas of expertise is in order.

3\. Figure out where vampires congregate, live, whatever. Do not make analogies about birds and flocks, you have enough problems.

4\. Bourbon is not a coping method. Really. And it slows your reflexes.

5\. Small towns love bachelors. They also love people who offer to fill empty teaching posts mid-year without asking why the position is so universally hated.

6\. Vampires have families. They are also good at small talk, although they get very suspicious if you ramble on for too long.

7\. Be stealthier. If you can't count on that, and really, sensitive hearing is completely underrated, keep vervain on you at all times.

8\. Being staked hurts. Even if you're not a vampire.

9\. Apparently your wife loved you enough to give you a ring that keeps you alive, even if she didn't actually love you enough to tell you she was unhappy and about to leave you.

10\. Vampires can have emotions. Some of them, even the really psychopathic ones apparently don't take it well when their family is threatened.

11\. Working together with a vampire is surprisingly easy. And if you happen to save their life somewhere along the way, you probably don't want to think too hard about it.

12\. Punching the vampire that killed your wife after the two of you have just killed a bunch of other vampires is completely justified, especially if he thinks that you're now best friends.

13\. Do not become BFFs with a vampire. Unless you know what you're doing.

13b. FYI: YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

13c. At this point you had better just go with it, and stock up on specialized weaponry.

13d. When you have a vampire's number in your speed dial, you might want to redefine your standards for friendship. Also, dating.

14\. Because you may have forgotten: a date includes any number of the following: calling the other person, picking them up, taking them to a mutually agreed upon location, chit chat, and possibly a drink.

15\. Going out to hunt vampires with another vampire totally counts as a second date.

16\. When your sort-of-boyfriend shows up when you call, hangs out with you, and then explains facts of vampirism to you without being condescending, you can congratulate yourself on making progress. Or, have a drink.

16b. Do both.

17\. After the vampire has come to you for help or with information several times, you can conclude that they are aware of the situation. This will be further reinforced by them using your nickname, standing inside your personal space in public, and even more so in private, and a general lack of threats or violence toward one another.

18\. Having sex is kind of inevitable at this point.

18b. This will continue happening.

19\. Basically, go with whatever works, even if you didn't ever expect it. At the very least, it will be interesting.


End file.
